Entry 3

From the outside, my life may have looked perfect and complete, but in reality this was far from the case. I have two beautiful children with very individual personalities(!!!). I had a boyfriend that tried his best to keep food on the table and worked hard trying to make our home a great one. Perfect right?

Except it wasn't.

As i said before P worked nights and slept most of the day, then would wake up and go back to work, this is how the cycle continued.

One day in August 2010, P went out for a while, he said that he had a surprise for me. He came home and pulled out a book from the registry office. Yes that's right, he had booked us a wedding. Although a lovely gesture, my eyes filled with tears and i lost all words - i didn't know how to feel. I was happy that i would finally get to have the wedding i had dreamed of since i was small, (thought i quickly found out that this was not the case). But angry that i never got to set a date for my own wedding.

After my initial shock, i started planning and getting excited. I searched online for the most beautiful venues (not yet knowing the budget). I had every little detail perfectly mapped out in my head.

£1,000!! That was my budget. No more fancy venue or hand made dress, instead, it came down to a registry office wedding with a pub function room reception. Oh, and lets not forget a dress of ebay. Don't get me wrong, it could have been lovely, and i'm sure some people would have made the best of it and made it the best day of their lives.

With not enough money to get the details that would have made it perfect (invitations, wedding favours and table decorations, amongst other things), after spending out on the main things, emotions ran high, worry set in and arguments started. To be honest, i was embarrassed at not being able to give people what i had set them up to expect.

This is where everything went down hill...