Entry 4....this is where it gets interesting

To my readers:

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I had started planning, despite everything going wrong.

I had seen a fairly decent dress on ebay, at the pub they even offered to give us a DJ at a discount and a cheap buffet after hearing of our budget.

So, i started getting excited again, thinking maybe i could have a do-able wedding.

Time went on and plans came together.

As Christmas and the wedding grew closer, money seemed to go out of the window, and on top of that, i had my 21st birthday coming up. Once again, worry set in. I started to feel as though i didn't want to get married and spend more money on Christmas instead.

I decided to speak to P and ask him to postpone the wedding until we had more money to spare. The response i got was "It's tough, we are getting married."

I had know one to talk to, everyone was excited, i didn't want to feel like i was disappointing them. All anyone could talk about was the wedding. I felt alone and felt like i had no escape, so i turned my attentions to planning my 21st birthday.

I don't think P was to happy about my plans. It was a extra expense in his eyes. But all that was in my mind was that it was my 21st and it's all i could do to take my mind of the wedding.

My friends brother in-law had arranged to come down the same week as my birthday so we all planned to go out on the town on the Friday.

The first day he (J) came down, we arranged to all go bowling. We had a really good afternoon, but i noticed something was wrong when i realized i shut down from P. When we finished our game we went to my friends (L) and (R)'s house for food. I didn't think any more of it.

A day or so later, L, R and J came over to mine so that L and R's daughter could play with my two. As it so often did when we got chatting, it got late so they ended up staying over. It was while we were watching a film, i had realized why i got shut off from P, I was starting to get feelings for J.

Things started looking up...